I WASN'T EXPECTING THAT
When reality bites
Life is a lottery and so is death. And seemingly so is becoming a saint. Some no doubt, were martyred for their faith, sometimes very painfully. But for others not so much.
Take Margaret, the sister of Edgar Atheling, the last English born king. He has been forgotten but his sister, nah – she still has several claims to fame. For one thing, she got herself married to King Malcolm of Scotland, he who killed Macbeth. And then, shortly after she was made a saint. You might wonder what she did to deserve this accolade. Let me explain.
One wintry day, Margaret was crossing a river when she dropped her bible into the water. A gallant guard leapt into the raging torrent and retrieved said book. The book was not damaged in the slightest. And for this miracle she, not the soldier, was made a saint. It is reputed that on finding out she had been made a saint, she said, ‘Gor blimey, I wasn’t expecting that.’
And consider Saint Nicholas, whose feast day is tomorrow. He was a wealthy man and his first good deed was surreptitiously giving money to save three sisters whose father was going to sell them as prostitutes.
But wait, there is more. He calmed a rough sea, saved three men who were going to be wrongly executed and – hold onto your hats – chopped down a tree which contained a demon. His greatest feat was when he found out that three children had been murdered and pickled in brine by a butcher who planned to sell them as pork. He brought them back to life. He was made a bishop and a saint.
Because of the many miracles attributed to him, he is also known as Nicholas the Wonderworker. He is the patron saint of sailors, merchants, repentant thieves, children, brewers, pawnbrokers, toymakers, unmarried people and even students.
This pious old saint and bishop would have been even more more surprised on learning that he evolved into Santa Claus, who is less a saint and more a key player in global capitalism. He would have said to all of this, ‘Gor blimey, I wasn’t expecting that.’
On December 5, 1933, the Twenty-first Amendment to the United States Constitution repealed the ban on selling alcohol. Prohibition had started in 1919 which seems a bit of a shame as the First World War had ended and Americans were on top of the world and ready to party. Over the next 14 years, Prohibition may have helped reduce drinking and some of its attendant health problems.
It seems that the Roaring 20s may have been the Whimpering 20s but for one unforseen consequance. The entrepreneurial spirit of bootleggers, gangsters and the invention of the speak-easy meant that there was little decline in alcohol consumption. There is debate over whether Prohibition led to an increase in crime but I’m convinced that there was because I’ve seen lots of gangster films. Advocates for Prohibition must have said, ‘Gor blimey, I wasn’t expecting that’ because it was repealed.
And the realisation that things happen which were never intended is happening even now, today, this minute. For example, the latest reports suggest that the UK’s attempts to slow immigration have halved the numbers of people entering the country to work in the NHS. Oops. In the next few years there will be far fewer doctors and nurses. At the same time, there will be less money in the economy as immigrants pay more in tax per person than those born in the country. So those who think that stopping immigration will be of huge benefit might shortly be saying, ‘Gor blimey, I wasn’t expecting that.’
And my guess is that it will be the same for every wealthy country in the world. In fact, I say, ‘Gor blimey, I was expecting that.’