STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE

The kindness of friends

My late wife Janine often used the phrase, “step up to the plate.” To take responsibility, to shoulder the burden even if you know it might be difficult.

I saw this in action in July this year when I dislocated my shoulder and had to wear a very tight sling, day and night, for six weeks. It's amazing to discover how much one needs both hands. 15 years ago I dislocated my left elbow and suffered severe fractures and this arm is still wonky. Now I had damaged my dominant arm, the right. I was at a loss.

With my chest encased in Velcro armour, and my right arm out of action, I felt like the black knight played by John Cleese in Monty Python and the Holy Grail who refused to give up the fight even when his limbs were cut off. I should have used his catch phrase when anybody asked me how I was feeling by answering, “Tis but a scratch.”

My friends demonstrated the importance of stepping up to the plate. I was allocated a nurse who showered, dressed me and put on my sling. But for everything else I relied on my good friends. I cannot imagine how I would have managed without them.

Susanne, Tiffany, Pauline, Majid, Heidi, Charlie, Sven, Brian and Bev all stepped up to the plate at various times. They visited me in hospital, booked my nurses, traipsed back and forth to the doctor and the pharmacy, did my shopping, washed my dishes, dealt with bureaucracy, spent hours trying to process my insurance claim, reinstated my Netflix account after it had been ‘retired’ from my television and did all the admin for my birthday meal. They took me out to cafes and kept in constant touch with me. I even had a team of people bringing me cheap paracetamol from the UK. “We’re your drug mules,” one of them said.

They were all so helpful, I began to feel embarrassed and even rationed what I asked each of them to do.

One day, I asked two of my friends to do my laundry thinking that whoever got back to me first would do the job and I could tell the second person there was no need for them that day. What I hadn't bargained for was that they went swimming together and when they had got out of the sea, both said they were going to do my laundry. “He asked me,” they chorused. They began to wander if I had forgotten to ask the other person, maybe I had fallen on my head and it had affected my brain. They went over my recent interactions to search for evidence of other mistakes. They were relieved when I later explained why I had asked them both.

I'm not entirely sure why, but I sometimes felt overwhelmed by my friends’ kindness. I would mumble my thanks quietly, embarrassed. Then I worried I might have been too off-hand and ungrateful. How very British of me. It took me weeks to realise that my friends were more than willing to step up to the plate and were happy to help.

Friends are essential, helpful deeds are golden, stepping up to the plate is important. The milk of human kindness overflowed for me. It has been one of my most important revelations.